yeah yeah yeah

America: Love It or Leave It

I think I was offered 10k to move to Europe and denounce my US citizenship. Interesting temptation but unfortunately the offer didn’t come with a job. The proposal came as part of a facebook discussion on the subject of socialism, European examples of socialism and an American comparison. A sort of  “America: Love it or leave it” debate.  And quite honestly, I wouldn’t mind leaving it. Not forever. I like America but getting out and seeing the world does a person good. Personally, I don’t think America is the greatest country in world. I don’t know for sure where the greatest country lies but it isn’t America. A country still struggling from the wrongs of slavery, discrimination and inequality doesn’t make for the greatest country ever. In fact the US is the 13^th best nation according to the 2009 United Nation Development Programme United Nation Development Programme’s HDI Rankings.  And I think a few obvious reasons contribute to United States’ lack of cracking the top ten: war, discrimination, poverty and elitism.

I look at the US like I do my alma mater Oklahoma State. OSU doesn’t have the best football program or (in general) highly ranked academics; but I still love OSU and still passionately cheer for my team no matter the sport, the game or the endeavor. I’m a proud Cowboy as I am a proud American – but also a realist and can see truth. OSU is a great school but it isn’t Harvard. OSU has a great football program but we aren’t USC. OSU does have the greatest wrestling program but not the greatest school of journalism. But I can recognize the faults of my Cowboys as I can recognize the faults of my country. It doesn’t make me any less faithful to either my beloved Cowboys or my beloved country.

But yes, I would love to live abroad. I would welcome any opportunity that allowed my family to live and experience life immersed in another country and culture. I fully believe that the more you can experience in life the more fulfillment you gain. I also would love for my daughter to have an opportunity to attend a more prestigious school than OSU if given the chance. Why wouldn’t I want something better for my country as I do for my children?

America IS great. Is it the greatest? Not yet. America is young, has a lot to learn, but full of potential. It is too bad that many Americans live with their minds so closed they can’t see the possibilities. Does that mean we have to completely imitate Europe? No, but there are some great examples out there of countries that take good care of their citizens. And another thing, the rest of the world doesn’t want to be America. We are envied by some but not by all. Without a doubt the US is a great world power that takes the responsibility very seriously and is superb at helping other nations in need; for that I’m proud. Because I really am a proud American. A proud American that believes that change can be good and it is okay to admit faults and recognize what others do great. I love the US but sure, if given the chance to live abroad, I’d go. But I don't want to give up my US citizenship just yet (I have faith this great country can rise to its potential) so I'll decline that ten-grand offer. 

Love it or leave it—I’d like to do both, thank you!

 

You Seriously Gotta Get Out More: Smithsonian Museum of American History

So in an effort to keep to my new year's resolution (the one where I said I will get out and do more in this great place I get to call home) we took the little one to the Museum of American History. It was bitter cold on Sunday so we decided what better place to go for a long walk then a museum. We could get out of the house, get some much needed exercise and see some cool stuff. Plus Lance had yet to see this particular Smithsonian museum. It had been closed for several years for renovations.

The American History museum is my favorite. Full of pop culture items - Dorothy's ruby slippers, Kermit the Frog, Chelsea Clinton's toe shoes and a whole section dedicated to the ball dresses of the first ladies. Plus you can also pretend you are the president and stand behind this very official looking Presidential Podium. Here she is, Sunshine Hillary, ready to bust through those cracks in the glass ceiling.

But before she starts running the country she will need to learn a bit on manners. Specifically, what is and is not acceptable in public. Farting in public - not acceptable for the commander in chief. Sweet little baby, she let one rip while we were strolling through the quietest room of the museum. The room was small but with a very high ceiling, which of course made every slight sound echo and sound even louder then normal. And here we were laughing out loud, loudly, at this echoing fart machine we are strolling around. And she just lit up with giggles and smiles, so very proud of herself. She thought it was the greatest thing to stroll around and look at sketches from the Plain Indians...while farting. 

So Let's Make the Most of this Beautiful Day

The holiday break is over and it is back to the real world for me. A full five days of work is such a shock to the system. Ugh, to be tossed back into the daily routine of life — Alarm buzz. Hit Snooze. Alarm buzz. Feed a baby. Get ready. Pack a lunch. Kiss the baby. Kiss the baby's daddy. Drive. Work. Treadmill. Lunch. Work. Drive. Open the door to home — and then my day begins! I feel like I'm living in Mr. Rogers' neighborhood. It is like I go through this whole day doing real life stuff but the real life doesn't even begin until I open that door, take off my coat, change my shoes and see the Sun. 

Oh the many many faces of Sunny. She cracks me up. She goes from serious, to sad, to happy, to silly in a matter of seconds. And I don't know who this kid is today. She just looks like a totally different kid from even a week ago. Not really looking like her momma or her daddy these days. Just silly silly Sunshine girl. 

 

And where exactly did Mr. Rogers work? He came home each day obviously from a job, right? Likely he didn't commute in the DC traffic.

The Evil Doers aka Headhunters

According to one headhunter working with Lance (I don't really know what else to call her, she actively looks for Lance jobs, so I will call her a headhunter) he was starting the dream job today. It was a contract position that was making a really great salary, full benefits, he would get to do both print and web design AND working from home. The dream job. As of December 10th it was a done deal. She promised he would start on December 15th or January 4th or January 15th at the latest. Oh how funny she is. Guess who he hasn't heard from in weeks? You guessed it, the headhunter. Last he heard from her was before Christmas when she called to say that the job is likely being pushed back to January 4th or later (you think?) since the person hiring no longer works there (or some excuse she had). Really? Really headhunter, dream-killer, evil doer? Who gives you the right to jack around with the lives of the unemployed? I mean seriously. Not fair.

We are actually getting used to the false hope of the headhunter but this last time she just sounded so positive. I mean she called after 8 pm with the news because she herself was so excited about landing this job for Lance. I just don't understand what is the point of all this stringing along? Yeah, I do get it from a business stand point—they obviously don't want to lose their talent so fill the good ones with false job prospects in an effort to keep them on stand-by—but it isn't nice. And rather selfish I might add too. But like I said, we are getting used it. The first several times of similar news we started planning our victory dinner out. We started mapping out the plan for aggressive bill payoffs. We have filled out more then one daycare form and lost deposits on daycare options. Just dealing with the need or lack of need for daycare is driving me insane. I'm just ready to settle into what will be our daily routine. One of two scenarios is how I see it.  Either Plan A or Plan B.

Plan A = Lance gets a job full time on site or at home. Sunny goes to daycare. Bills get paid off. We get to hire a cleaning service once a week. Big vacations are a reality. Life is good.

Plan B = No full time job for Lance. Sunny is home with her daddy and no daycare expenses (a savings of $1,200.00 a month). Lance works to grow his at-home business. Money is tight. We are very mortgage poor but Sunny stays home from daycare. Life is good.

Either way, we can make it work but I'm so tired of the going back and forth. Back and forth. I'm starting to feel like my life is the ball in a ping-pong game for giants. Mean, giant, headhunter evil doers. But here we are living in an unstable job market having to use all possible leads and the headhunter is the one in control of the game. 

On a side note: if you are ever looking for a great print and/or web designer I know a guy.

I Am Not 22 Years Old (so no need to try and drink like one).

Last summer I asked my friend if she had managed to get her drink-on since the birth of her baby boy. She laughed, "Oh yeah, once. You will try once too. But just once."

So true, so true. Wednesday was my big trial run of acting like a 22 year old who is actually 35 with an infant and way too old to tie one on. What happened to my skills? I remember back in Stillwater when it was no big deal to drink until 3 am several nights a week and still manage to get to work by 10 am to sling some salsa into 100 plus ramekins, smile at some customers, make an easy $35 bucks, head to the Stonewall and do it all again. Hell, even five years ago I could stay up all night and recover in a day as long as I had the essentials: aspirin, water, fried foods, laffy taffy, cough drops and more water. I use to have the ability (rarely attempted mind you) to follow a strong night of fun with a little hair of the dog and keep on going. Of course such foolish action was reserved for tailgating, days at the lake, NYC, NO or trips to Summit County. 

But I guess it is official, I'm old and drinking stupid amounts of beer and Colorado Bulldogs until sunrise, no matter how awesome the company, is dumb dumb dumb. I swear I could feel my kidneys hurt for a couple of days and it wasn't until today that I felt completely back to myself. That is a total of three days. Day one: huge ass hangover. Feel like hell. Wishing I would throw up, hoping for a three hour nap and needing a gallon of water. Day two: feeling sluggish but pretty sure I'm not going to die of an alcohol related death but not sure if I will throw up on the flight or not. Day three: feeling okay but still so very tired. Day four: normal. Finally normal. 

And all this with an infant. Good god I'm stupid. Okay, okay. Lesson learned. I cannot binge drink. I am not 22 years old and hangovers now scare me. 

At least I didn't wake up with a tiger in the bathroom. 

P.S. - husband took one for the team and took good care of Sunny. Please, no need to call DHS. I was dumb, but not irresponsible. 

Something You Can Depend On - Resolution Number Two

I love that I can depend on my father—always. I love that he is a planner too. I think people who plan are people you can depend on and I can always depend on my father. What he says is what he will do and he always makes his plans at the consideration of those around him. His dependability and obsession with arriving on time is something I've grown to appreciate over the years. Or course when I was younger I was totally annoyed when arriving twenty minutes early everywhere but take that same concept and apply it to commuting in a big city and you get places on time. You see, my Dad is the kind of person that you want to pick you up at the airport. You can depend on him to be early and to keep in touch with you during  your trip so that he is aware of your flight arrival in case things change. And you never ever wait on him to get you. He is always there, either parked outside or waiting at baggage. Knowing that he is my ride eliminates stress with travel. And that is the deal, a dependable person brings less stress to those around them. 

I don't really know if people around me would say I'm a dependable person or not. I would like to think that I am and I think in general I am, but I need to improve. I'm not the person who always arrives at work on-the-dot but I think my co-workers can depend on me to be there pretty much on time each day. I think more often than not I don't flake out on events and obligations but I also tend to not make obligations for myself so I don't give myself the opportunity to flake out. Basically I know that I am a person who will flake out if I set myself up. Or as we use to call it in college (with fondness mind you), "getting Jaked". And although I think my intentions are mostly good, I need to stop living on good intentions and become a person more like my father. 

As Sunny gets older and her involvements in life grow it is important to me that she sees me as a constant stability in her life. I want her to know that she can depend on me to get her where she needs to be on-time. She can't take herself to ice skating lessons or play dates or whatever it is she will choose to do. I was never late for gymnastics but I always felt sorry for those that were. Coaches punish the late kids. Or being late for school day after day. How awful and what a huge disadvantage you put on your kids, all because of your lack of planning. I don't want to sound rigid here. I envy some spontaneity and hey, I'm spontaneous. I've been known to pack up the car and drive to New Orleans on a whim, just for a weekend on Bourbon Street. Hell, I drove 1,256 miles with a week old baby. But within any spontaneity in my life lies a plan and I hope that my planning helps eliminate chaos and stress for those around me. I'm starting to realize more and more in life that my actions have a domino effect on others' stress levels and the last thing I want to be is a creator of stress, especially in Sunny's life. I guess this is sort of a New Year's resolution for 2010—to be a person who does not indirectly create stress upon others.  

For Auld Lang Syne, My Dear, for Auld Lang Syne

Happy New Year! 

I'm happy to have 2010 behind me and the hope of a new year and a new decade ahead of me. I've been thinking for a few days now on what is to be my New Year's resolution. I of course need to start eating healthier, give up the need to have half a batch of cookie dough most days and get my ass on the treadmill. All which I plan to do. It is a must. But I've also decided my new years resolution is to enjoy life more. More specifically I need to get out there and see the world, show Sunny the world or at least the one in our own back yard. I'm such a creature of habits and can easily get stuck in ruts spending every weekend much the same – staying home and not taking advantage of all that is around me in this great city I call home. So the Hill/Smith clan is in search of new adventures for 2010 as we commit to getting out there and living. Adventures in the city, adventures in food, adventures outside of the city, adventures with the UU and adventures in our neighborhood. Oh yeah, and I got to give up the daily fix: cookies, brownies, ice cream, Sour Patch Kids, cake, frosting... ugh. Sugar is my crack. 

Number 1. More Black-Eyed Peas, Please. Twenty-five Lessons from 2009.

"When you look for the bad expecting it, you will find it." — Pollyanna

I hate to even consider saying that this year has sucked when it obviously was one of the best years of my life (thank you Sunny). But for several reasons it was also the worst year of my life. Maybe it was the black-eyed peas I ate. I did eat my peas. I always always always eat my peas. But I was six weeks pregnant last New Year's Day and experiencing full-on morning sickness. I threw up the peas. Maybe that is the reason for this ongoing run of bad luck mixed with exceptionally great luck. At least my luck is in balance. With the good comes the bad and I guess I'm learning to adjust to the ups and downs and trying to make my own big ass pitcher of lemonade.

But I'd be lying if I didn't say I was looking forward to a new year. Openly welcoming 2010. I love the hope of a new year. The prospect of greater things around the bend. The idea that if you eat just the right amount of black-eyed peas you can offset all potential bad luck for the year. A new year, a new beginning and the start of new adventures. 

So after writing my twenty-five lessons from 2009 what did I learn and what do I want to bring with me into 2010? I think I'm officially a Pollyanna. I need the Glad Game — the game of finding something to be glad about in almost every situation —  to help get me through the rough spots and I need the Glad Game to appreciate the good stuff. It is all about balance, finding good in even the worst of situations and eating your peas. Always, always, always eat your black-eyed peas. 

 

Happy New Year to you and yours and bring on 2010!
 

Number 2. Making a List. Twenty-five Lessons from 2009.

Here is a list of random thoughts, lessons and/or things I want to blog in 2010. Can you believe it is almost 2010?

• My Dad will always, no matter the time or weather situation, pick me up or take me to the airport.
• Headhunters are evil evil people that obviously enjoy messing with the heads of the unemployed.
• I don’t get or understand the purpose of 3.2 beer. It really is dumb and not having access to imports at the grocery store or Q-Trip or Walgreens is annoying.
• The Northern Lights have nothing on baby giggles and smiles.

 

• One or two nights in Stillwater a year can rejuvenate the soul. 
• Too many nights in Stillwater can make you feel old. 
• A two-hour phone conversation with BFF makes me a happier, smarter and better-adjusted person.
• Spending $300 in counseling makes me feel stupid.
• You can't force family to see when you travel home but boy it sucks when you travel 1,400 miles with an infant and brothers can't load up the kids and drive them seven miles to see you. Just saying. 
• Fast food potluck is freaking awesome fun. Intrigued by the concept? Yeah, I'll share the details later.
• Nothing happens here that doesn’t happen there.
• I would be lost without out my facebook phone, I mean my iPhone. 
• Meconium really isn’t all that it is cracked-up to be.
• A sad baby makes a sad momma.

• Twenty-four inches of snow is a lot of freaking snow.
• Breast feeding is hard and a lot of pressure.
• Line queues make sense. Why don't they queue in Oklahoma? I never pick the right line and I'm glad I don't have the pressure to make that choice in VA lines.
• If it is not on the list it isn’t going to happen. Pregnancy left me with the memory of a goldfish. Maybe by writing these thoughts down I'll remember them for the future...but I’ll probably still manage to forget.

 

Number 3. Let Them Eat Cake. Twenty-five Lessons of 2009.

In times of tragedy and sorrow some people cry, some people sleep and some people eat. I'm an eater. Preferably something sweet. Chocolate cake balls, a Merritt's cake or cookie. A big pan of hot brownies, ice cream or even a big bowl of icing. The sweeter the better — sugar is where I find my comfort. Damn I wish I was a person who found peace in a nice long run. I'm completely jealous of those who use a long run or bike ride to clear their mind. But that isn't me. I unfortunately find my peace in the bottom of a bowl of raw cookie dough. I swear it wasn't more then ten minutes after my mother's death I had a Merritt's cookie in my mouth. And I'm pretty sure my sisters had one too. While my dad likely had his hands in a bowl of M&M's. It is inherited. I come by it naturally. I blame it on my mother. She was the best baker ever. I can still remember the smell of her homemade cinnamon rolls, apple dumplings and date roll cookies. Her chocolate mousse was like no other and she could make a French silk pie better then any I've ever tasted. Oh my mother could bake. So it isn't surprising that the Hill girls have a chocolate, pie, cookie, brownie, cinnamon bread, cake batter, ice cream, cookie dough, baked fudge addiction. 

So these past few months I have given the Kitchen Aid quite a workout. Ahhh, but the smell of homemade cookies reminds me of my momma and that makes me happy. So admittedly I need to slow down on the baking or at least stop eating what I make (a goal for 2010) but few things in life are better then a plate full of warm cookies made by your momma. I'm not sure growing up I realized cookies came in a box. I hope Sunny grows up the same.