Thirty-Two Weeks Down and Eight to Go
After the first 12 weeks of hell, endless vomiting, unexplainable allergies and a loss of 25 pounds, I'm happy to say that these past 20 weeks have sailed smoothly. Knock on wood, I have yet to experience swollen feet or hands and my only complaint thus far is trying to find a comfortable way to sleep. I completely want to just sleep the entire night on my back, which is way against the rules. (But the other morning, while I was trying to sneak a few minutes of laying on my back before Lance says "roll over" -- baby girl tried to punch, kick or elbow her way
through my belly and a little tent popped up in the middle of my stomach
for about half a second. I'm guessing an elbow or foot but not so sure. It was crazy cool).
Not only is the laying flat on your back out, it is totally impossible to lay on your stomach too. Which makes events like laying out by the pool and tanning your front and backside a bit of a challenge. Frankly, it is ridiculously hard to get your backside tan when you have this giant protruding belly to deal with. I need/want a beach chair that has a huge hole cut out of it in the center that allows me to lay face down and even out my tan. Or maybe a lounge chair with a net in the middle that expends when needed? Seriously, my front legs are tan and my back legs are white. A bit freakish but what else is a pregnant girl to do in the summer but lay by the pool and eat Sprees? And the whole laying on your side as a way to tan your back method is way awkward at the public pool, tried it.
Speaking of spending the summer at the pool: no better place to people watch and observe parenting skills then the public pool. It is a great way to learn what not to do as a parent. So what have I learned so far this summer? Well, here is my list of what I/we will not do as parents based on the fine examples set at the Old Town Public Pool.
What I/We Will NOT Do When I/We Have Kids (Part One - The Pool)
- Just because your three year old is cute does not give you the right to own the stairs. The stairs are there for all of us to access our way into and out of the pool. Stairs are not a safety net or play toy for your kids.
- When your kid cuts in line on the diving board, the appropriate response is not to chuckle "Aw Sport". Your kid is a cutter and needs timeout.
- Just because lifeguards are teenagers it does not mean that parents have the right to ignore their whistles. How about you set an example for your kid and not hang on the lap lane rope and when the lifeguard asks you get off don't roll your eyes and continue to let your kid hang on the rope? Go to the kiddie pool if your kid can't swim.
- When the lifeguards make the decision to close the pool due to obvious lightning, don't yell at the staff in anger for their decision to protect you and your kids from harm. And you look like an idiot as you continue to vent your anger to your six year-old. Cut your loss and call it a day. The pool only costs $2.00. Come back tomorrow.
- The sign says don't run and that means your kid too. When your kid runs tell him to stop running. Just because the lifeguard didn't blow the whistle doesn't make it okay. Those stitches in your kid's chin are going to hurt like hell and it isn't the pool's fault, it is your fault for not making your kid follow safety rules.
- You bring a football to the pool, expect other kids to want to play with it too. Just saying, don't be a jackass if others want to join in on the fun.
Okay, I'm putting these out there in print and in public so you can call me out on it later when I do each of these (I so hope I don't). Next up... parenting skills we learned at IKEA.
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