yeah yeah yeah

Spending Freeze–Valentines and Chocolates

Spending freeze day three (we started this plan on Feb. 12th) and Lance wanted to throw the whole thing under the bus. He got distracted today at Safeway by all the pretty pink and red cellophane-wrapped chocolates and giant bags of M&M's. He was all ready to throw in the towel and give into the temptation of Valentine's candy, insisting that we needed to buy chocolate to celebrate the day. He pointed out lots of great options that were very inexpensive and he made a fairly convincing argument. But chocolate and candy were not on the "essential items" list so he lost. No store-bought, Valentine-decorated, cheesy chocolates today. But what would the day be without chocolate? I mean, if there is ever a good excuse to eat your weight in chocolate, Valentine's Day is it. Lucky for us I have a couple of boxes of Baker's unsweetened chocolates so I googled a recipe and made brownies from scratch. I always make brownies from a box so these are actually a special treat, topped off with some homemade chocolate icing. Thus proving that it is always good to have cocoa, sugar and butter a plenty on hand. 

 

But damn it if we didn't spend $98.00 today with our "essentials". Diapers and formula are expensive. Throw in some prescriptions and BAM, its a $100 day. I'm not so good at this limited spending just yet. But I did make some homemade valentines while snowed in. That was fun and free. 

 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Snowed In and Happy

Right now I'm sitting on the over-sized futon, dog in lap, looking up at the window in the basement. About half of the view is covered in snow but it still offers a pretty good peek into the world outside. The crazy snow world outside. Holy hell we have a lot of snow. After round one of Snowmaggedon I placed a ruler in the yard - officially marking the 23 inches of snow that dumped on us. This morning, the ruler is deeply buried. So I don't know what we are up to as far as accumulation is concerned but what I can report is that the snow is close to reaching the top of the fence in the back yard. Check it out.

 

What does one do to keep sane while cooped up in the house for what is now day six? This household has spent most of the days in the basement. Last Thursday I got ourselves all organized and snugged with our essentials downstairs. We got ourselves a bottles station, changing station, a dog and his bone area. Lance has his in-home office and baby girl has toys a-plenty along with blankets and pillows on the floor for grandé tummy time. The bassinet is back up for nap times and our fridge is full. Life is good. We are warm, happy and together. Lance spends most of the day working. He is actually working from home and getting paid (Gratefu!). Sunny rotates from my arms to Lance's lap, the jumper, the floor, the bouncing chair and back to my arms. It is a routine we are liking. She is completely obsessed with her rainforest bouncer and it is officially the MVP of Snowmaggedon in this house. 

 

So what does this momma do to stay sane? Bake. A lot of baking. Chocolate chip cookies, cinnamon rolls, apple dumplings, no-bake cookies... good God we are packing on some extra warmth in this house. Luckily we aren't eating these alone. We have been sharing with various neighbors and enjoying the camaraderie that a blizzard brings to the neighborhood. But the shoveling counteracts the sweets, right?

Lance is obsessed with these cinnamon rolls. So good.

  

Chocolate chip cookies full of love. I used more brown sugar and less sugar this time. Awesome change-up that worked really well. 

Apple dumplings. They were much better then they look. I used my mom's old recipe and my house smelled like cinnamon for days. Reminds me of my momma. 

I've also knitted for a special February birthday and made some Valentines. And of course facebook dominates much of my home-bound time. I'm completely frustrated that it is all wonky this week, but whatever. Good times! Ha ha. And I mean good times without sarcasm. I guess I'm one of the crazy few who actually enjoys these "no where to go" days. I've yet to experience cabin fever and all this snow makes me dream of spending a winter in Maine, snowed in for months. Crazy talk, right? But this is also coming from the person who spent her last vacations in Iceland and the Eastern most part of Maine.  

Happy winter and happy Snowmaggedon. Stay warm and stay safe friends.

So Let's Make the Most of this Beautiful Day

The holiday break is over and it is back to the real world for me. A full five days of work is such a shock to the system. Ugh, to be tossed back into the daily routine of life — Alarm buzz. Hit Snooze. Alarm buzz. Feed a baby. Get ready. Pack a lunch. Kiss the baby. Kiss the baby's daddy. Drive. Work. Treadmill. Lunch. Work. Drive. Open the door to home — and then my day begins! I feel like I'm living in Mr. Rogers' neighborhood. It is like I go through this whole day doing real life stuff but the real life doesn't even begin until I open that door, take off my coat, change my shoes and see the Sun. 

Oh the many many faces of Sunny. She cracks me up. She goes from serious, to sad, to happy, to silly in a matter of seconds. And I don't know who this kid is today. She just looks like a totally different kid from even a week ago. Not really looking like her momma or her daddy these days. Just silly silly Sunshine girl. 

 

And where exactly did Mr. Rogers work? He came home each day obviously from a job, right? Likely he didn't commute in the DC traffic.

Number 1. More Black-Eyed Peas, Please. Twenty-five Lessons from 2009.

"When you look for the bad expecting it, you will find it." — Pollyanna

I hate to even consider saying that this year has sucked when it obviously was one of the best years of my life (thank you Sunny). But for several reasons it was also the worst year of my life. Maybe it was the black-eyed peas I ate. I did eat my peas. I always always always eat my peas. But I was six weeks pregnant last New Year's Day and experiencing full-on morning sickness. I threw up the peas. Maybe that is the reason for this ongoing run of bad luck mixed with exceptionally great luck. At least my luck is in balance. With the good comes the bad and I guess I'm learning to adjust to the ups and downs and trying to make my own big ass pitcher of lemonade.

But I'd be lying if I didn't say I was looking forward to a new year. Openly welcoming 2010. I love the hope of a new year. The prospect of greater things around the bend. The idea that if you eat just the right amount of black-eyed peas you can offset all potential bad luck for the year. A new year, a new beginning and the start of new adventures. 

So after writing my twenty-five lessons from 2009 what did I learn and what do I want to bring with me into 2010? I think I'm officially a Pollyanna. I need the Glad Game — the game of finding something to be glad about in almost every situation —  to help get me through the rough spots and I need the Glad Game to appreciate the good stuff. It is all about balance, finding good in even the worst of situations and eating your peas. Always, always, always eat your black-eyed peas. 

 

Happy New Year to you and yours and bring on 2010!
 

Number 2. Making a List. Twenty-five Lessons from 2009.

Here is a list of random thoughts, lessons and/or things I want to blog in 2010. Can you believe it is almost 2010?

• My Dad will always, no matter the time or weather situation, pick me up or take me to the airport.
• Headhunters are evil evil people that obviously enjoy messing with the heads of the unemployed.
• I don’t get or understand the purpose of 3.2 beer. It really is dumb and not having access to imports at the grocery store or Q-Trip or Walgreens is annoying.
• The Northern Lights have nothing on baby giggles and smiles.

 

• One or two nights in Stillwater a year can rejuvenate the soul. 
• Too many nights in Stillwater can make you feel old. 
• A two-hour phone conversation with BFF makes me a happier, smarter and better-adjusted person.
• Spending $300 in counseling makes me feel stupid.
• You can't force family to see when you travel home but boy it sucks when you travel 1,400 miles with an infant and brothers can't load up the kids and drive them seven miles to see you. Just saying. 
• Fast food potluck is freaking awesome fun. Intrigued by the concept? Yeah, I'll share the details later.
• Nothing happens here that doesn’t happen there.
• I would be lost without out my facebook phone, I mean my iPhone. 
• Meconium really isn’t all that it is cracked-up to be.
• A sad baby makes a sad momma.

• Twenty-four inches of snow is a lot of freaking snow.
• Breast feeding is hard and a lot of pressure.
• Line queues make sense. Why don't they queue in Oklahoma? I never pick the right line and I'm glad I don't have the pressure to make that choice in VA lines.
• If it is not on the list it isn’t going to happen. Pregnancy left me with the memory of a goldfish. Maybe by writing these thoughts down I'll remember them for the future...but I’ll probably still manage to forget.

 

If We're Grateful and We're Thankful Then We're Spiritual

And for this I am grateful… (what better day to remember what we re thankful for then on the official day of American greed - Black Friday). 

Sunshine
September 2, 2009 changed my life forever, with the birth of my beautiful Sunshine Hillary Smith. She brings much joy, love and happiness to my life and makes my future brighter. For her presence, kindness and love I am grateful.

 

My Best Friend
Lance amazes me every day with his patience and strength. He brings my life some much needed balance and security and reminds me to let go of stress and focus on the day at hand. He is the force behind my confidence with me knowing he is always ready to support me through the hard, the fun, the easy, the crazy and the normal. He is my closer to fine. He is a devoted dad, living each day to make a better world for Sunny and I. For his continuous love, devotion and friendship I am grateful.

 

Birthday Sharing
For 35 years I shared my birthday with my mom. It is hard to put into words just how special the bond is between a mother and a daughter, her baby daughter, who share their celebration of life on the same day. We spent dozens a birthday eating pie at the Pink House or blowing out the same candles on a Merritt’s cake topped with both of our names written with icing. Many birthdays were celebrated in Florida, enjoying a shrimp boil dinner with lots of family. I love that I was born on my mother’s birthday and I’m grateful for the 35 birthdays I shared with her but also for the other 12,780 days I had with my mom. She was a caring, loving, smart and awesome mom and I’m grateful to have her as my role model as I embark on motherhood.

Family
It hasn’t been an easy year for the Hill family but together as a family we have worked hard to make the best of hard times.

• I’m grateful for my father who is the strongest, most practical person I’ve ever known and I’m grateful he has taught me the importance of gratitude and expressing gratitude.
• My sisters each play very important roles in my life and I’m grateful that they always answer my calls and respond to my texts. I’m grateful for the advice they have to offer about caring for my baby girl. I’m grateful that they know how much water for the cranberries, how long to dry noodles and what to do with a baby that won’t sleep.
• I’m grateful to have such a large family with so many siblings, nieces and nephews and I’m grateful that when we all get together it is happy chaos – loud and fun.

 

Family Part Two
I wouldn’t have survived 10 months of pregnancy, a sick mother, the birth of Sunny and the death of my mother without friendships so deep, so unconditional – the bond is like family. I’m grateful for the sanity that they give me. I’m grateful for Sunny’s Godmother and Aunt Coco who give me strength, encouragement and over all just make me a better person, a better mother, wife and friend.

 

Friends
I love my friends and I’m grateful for each and every one of  you. For friends who drive 14 hours with a two-year old – just for a hug. For friends that host parties for our baby girl and for friends that find time to see us when we are in Oklahoma and for friends who watch OSU football games with us. I’m grateful for friends that help keep me sane with facebook posts, words of encouragement and love and for all of you that love me even though we politically disagree. I’m grateful for new friends in Virginia, coworkers I call friends and old friends with Oklahoma ties. Grateful and thankful for my friends!

 

Health and Security
I’m grateful for my health and for the health of my family. I’m grateful that Dr. Piness delivered my healthy baby girl, keeping me us both safe and healthy. I’m grateful for health insurance and the job that provides it. Leaving Sunny in the morning so I can go to work hasn’t been easy but I’m grateful to have a job that I like and to work with people I can call friends. 

 

What I Am Is What I Am

As much as I'd like to think that I'm a very spontaneous person, that is actually far from the truth. I'm such a creature of habit and a big fan of our Saturday routine during the summer - Dog park with Ari, Old Town Farmer's Market, Trader Joe's, home to put up groceries and Ari, lunch and then head to the Old Town Pool. If it is cloudy or raining we of course have to abandon our routine and find something else to entertain us other then the pool but I'd say we've been pretty lucky this summer with the weather and have yet to miss a Saturday at the dog park or the pool. 

So for the past few weekends I've been thinking about how baby Sunshine is going to fit into our lives, our habits and routines. Is is possible for her to fit into our daily routine or are we completely at the mercy of her schedule, wants and desires? I mean, in my mind it seems pretty practical that we simply load up baby girl and continue on with our Saturday as usual and she goes along for the ride. Am I naive to think that is how it will go down? Now I do realize that getting out the door will take a bit more time but it is still doable, right?

I guess one of my biggest fears of having this little baby girl is how much of our life we will have to change while adapting to her needs. It isn't like we are out boozing it up on Friday nights or filling the house with guests to entertain into the wee hours. We go the movies about once a year and can't afford to eat out like we would like. We try to catch a few lives shows when we can and do enjoy having close friends over for cooking-out but nothing that a baby girl couldn't handle. Hell, we've basically stopped watching TV these days other then a few things I TiVo. (Although I do like my routine of watching Rachel Maddow before bed). So our life is rather uncomplicated and for the most part Lance, Ari and I are pretty much in sync with each other and how our days and evenings play out.

I'm sure all of you mothers reading this are laughing and saying those days are over, right? And I'm sure you are right, but we will see what happens. It is just that Lance and I both have this really strong desire to not change everything in our lives once baby girl arrives. And not because we are selfish (or maybe it is selfishness?) but because we think we have a pretty great thing going and want her to be a part of our world. I don't know whether it is possible or not, but as a new parent it is certainly our goal to try and maintain some sort of simple life and daily routine of the familiar pleasures we enjoy. Pipe dream?

Religion is the Smile on a Dog

Philosophy is the Talk on a Cereal Box

 

 

Before I Get Too Deep

 

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It's the Song About Love Between My Brothers and My Sisters All Over This Land

Today I watched history take place. Unfortunately not in DC but instead at the Market Square in Old Town where George Washington so often strolled. Just across the river from DC, TL and I watched the Inauguration on a Jumbo Tron, cold and huddled with a mass of people cheering OBAMA and waving flags. 

As I was listening to President Obama's (makes me grin ear to ear to type those two sweet words) Inauguration speech and watching the pan views of the millions of people in the Mall area I started thinking about how proud, at the very moment, how proud I was to call the USA my country. It was the sort of feeling I had when I was little kid, before I was jaded by the spirit of America. I remember when I was in the third or fourth grade and I thought I was truly lucky to live in America. We were doing reports on various countries in the world (I had Poland) and I remember thinking how sad it was for all those kids my same age living in a world outside of America. I thought these kids had to have a horrible life since they were not Americans and I thought how they all must envy us that were. I also wondered if they even had McDonald's or knew what SweetTarts tasted like. 

But then I grew up, read often and took some great history classes in college. Thanks to some good professors and good friends I opened my mind to the real American in which we live. The one that goes to war for no reason, does not treat its people with equality and refuses to recognize its own failures. I started to understand the impacts of slavery and the Trail of Tears and how it shaped the bitterness and anger within our nation. I took classes that focused on the unsung successes of women in history and found myself rejecting the traditional great American dream and all the consumerism that accompanies it. And these past eight years, wow. America, thanks to the leadership of Bush, turned into this mean, wa-hungry country hated by the rest of the world. At the end of 2007 the Fulbright Global Peace Index, ranked the US as the 97th most peaceful nation. Iraq bottomed the list, ranked 140th.

But today is a new day. I feel the hope in the air. I can feel the love and happiness sweeping this country. Watching President Obama (smiling again) addressing the country and asking for the help of the American people reminded me that we are a strong nation full of smart, innovated people and together we can make America a place of envy once again. We don't have to do this by flaunting our power or forcing our beliefs on other nations. We can do this instead with peace and by listening to the voices of all people from all races and religions across this country and around the world.  

So today I was bit disappointed that it wasn't in the cards for me to travel into DC but I was happy to share the energy overflowing across the Potomac into Old Town. And although the energy couldn't compare to that of the Mall, it was beautiful to share this joy with several hundred others as we anxiously and proudly watched history in the making. I just wish I could give all my friends that feel my same joy a great big huge victory hug. We did it!

Night Four - Never Ever Saw the Stars So Bright In the Farmhouse Things Will be Alright

Night Four
Grindavík, the Northern Light Inn
November 26, 2008

Why Iceland?
Okay, many have asked the question, "Why Iceland?" So here is the answer:
We started thinking about a trip to Iceland about three years ago after we saw an ad in the Washington Post Express promoting cheap flights from BWI to Reykjavík. Iceland really wasn't in our radar as a future travel destination but we started doing some minimal research and discovered several appealing things about Iceland.

1. Iceland is only a five hour flight from BWI or JFK - not much different then a flight to LA or Vegas.
2. Northern lights are common in Iceland outside of the major cities between Nov - March. Iceland is directly below the strongest concentration of the Aurora Borealis annulus – The Green Belt – an oval of cosmic light that circles the earth off axis.
3. Compared to mainland Europe, Iceland is less touristy.
4. The Blue Lagoon.

And from there our obsession grew. The only problem, Iceland was also one of the most expensive countries in the world to visit. Basically the US dollar did not get you far. One beer = 10 USD. For that reason we put the Iceland trip on hold waiting to safe lots of money. But of course we spent our money on other things and the Iceland trip seemed just a passing thought. But I had this annoying, nagging obsession to see the Northern Lights. So jump forward to August 2008 and I'm sitting outside having a few drinks with a very close friend and she said, "Hey idiot, why haven't you and Lance gone to Iceland like you want.  It isn't like you have kids to worry about. Don't your really want to go to Iceland?" And you know what, she was right. I really did want to go to Iceland and why the hell didn't we go? So that week I started looking for flights, hotels and bam... we were going to Iceland.

Not surprisingly, I was pretty focused on planning a trip that allowed us the best opportunity to see the Northern Lights, which is why we chose Thanksgiving weekend. Now we needed a location away from the city lights and google searching our options I found the Northern Light Inn - a small inn located close to the middle of nowhere of Iceland and a mile from the Blue Lagoon. It was the perfect focal point for the trip and everything else just started to fall into place. We especially got a big break when the Icelandic krona took a huge hit and plummeted virtually overnight. (And I don't want to sound like we were happy for our luck based on Iceland's HUGE economic crisis. It was a break on our pocketbook but I'm sorry to the Icelandic people that they are in such devastation right now. It's real bad.) 

Right Place, Right Time
Like I said before, seeing the Northern Lights takes a little planning and a lot of luck. We placed ourselves in the right location by staying a couple of nights at the Northern Light Inn and we planned our trip in late November during a peak time for the lights. We were also not competing with a full moon and the weather report called for clear skies toward the end of that week, pretty much the perfect setting for Lights.

Luck
Wednesday night we ate dinner at the inn's panoramic restaurant where they had a beautiful view of the mountains in the distance. The whole dinner we kept asking each other, "Do you think we will see anything tonight?" After dinner we walked outside a few times noticing every single clear patch or break in the clouds. Just a few minutes past nine the sky cleared and we could see our first glimpse of green squiggly, dancing light. We rushed to put on layers and layers of clothes and ran outside to see what else was in the sky.

Okay, here is the hard part, describing the lights. Because first off they are like nothing I've seen. They started off very small and then suddenly a large green rainbow like line was going over our head. That line would move and small green waves would dance far off in the north then suddenly green would stretch across the sky for a second. All this carried on for about an hour and then it stopped. Most people outside with us watching the sky packed up their cameras and tripods and went in to warm up by the fire. At that point, probably 11:15 or so, TL and I were the only ones actually outside. He didn't want to go in because he saw something "suspicious" off to the north and thought more were to come. He was right. Directly in the spot he called, light started growing and taking shape and covering the north and it looked like small green flames were emerging out of the green band of light and then suddenly the light started getting more vivid and twirling. It created an S shaped funnel until it looked like the "Hatch" (a building up on the hill and to our north - named by the UK couple we met - it is a reference from Lost) was about to get sucked up into another dimension and then, in less then a minute, and it was gone and back to a light green glowing sky of lights. No, we weren't high and we weren't tripping. It was freaking crazy, celestial. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Once the sky went back to a little more normalcy we couldn't talk ourselves into going inside. We just wanted to see more - to chase that dragon.

We had no way of getting any pictures of that nights sky. You have to have a major high dollar camera, tripod and experience - but we met a very nice couple from the UK and they were kind enough to send us a picture they captured on Friday, after we had already left Iceland. The lights that night were not as bright as what we saw on Wednesday but you can see in the picture the shade of green that was lighting up the sky and you can see the "Hatch" building in the background. Wednesday night it looked like the "Hatch" would be sucked up from Earth and the green was much more vivid then what you see in the pic.

If you hadn't guessed it, I was pretty damn happy to see the Lights, especially while wearing my awesome "Northern Lights" mittens that BFF made me. I'm pretty sure the mittens brought me the needed luck to get such a clear night in Iceland to see the lights. And you know, that night felt about as surreal as the night BFF, my dear M and I found a full living room set-up and arranged in the KD apartment parking lot. The crazy green lights in the sky reminded me of that strange night in college - a dreamlike feeling in a truly bizarre moment...I couldn't help but think how much they would both love the lights I was seeing in Iceland.

Awww, the Northern Light Inn. We love this place. Cozy, clean and new. Helpful, nice staff always ready to shuttle you where you needed or wanted to be. Great restaurant and the views were amazing. But most importantly, the view was perfect for the lights. I feel like the luckiest girl that got to see the Northern Lights on her first try. But again, I did have the mittens and that worked in my favor. And guess what... I now, no longer can say, "I never ever saw the Northern Lights."

I Guess When You Met Me it Was Just One of Those Things

TL and I celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary today. It seems almost impossible that we have been married that long and it is amazing how fast times goes by in life. Honestly though, it is more amazing that we even ended up together in life, if you take into account the first time we met...

TL and I both attended college together at Oklahoma State. He was a year younger then me in grade (but only 41 days my younger, mind you) and we meet my Sophomore year, his freshman year. He was a small town dork (seriously small town, he graduated high school with eight) in the Pi Kappa Phi (aka Boy Pi Phi) Fraternity and I was a snotty Kappa girl who her freshman year would have thought herself too good to speak to a Pi Kap pledge. But by sophomore year I found myself a little less snotty and somewhat embracing my not so inner dork, which lead to spending a lot of time at the Phi Kap house; usually perched on the back porch off of the kitchen, chilling. Not a bunch of other Kappas hanging out at the ol Pi Kap house... there was a hierarchy in the Greek system at OSU and those two houses were not even on the same plane. But I was a Student Government nerd and so were several Pi Kap boys and I found their conversations enlightening, debatable and entertaining. Usually after Wednesday night SGA my BFF, a fellow SGA dork, and I would wonder over to the Pi Kap house, drink some cheap beer and hang out. Our "After SGA hangouts" led to Thursday night hangouts to Friday night parties at the Party Palace and chipped teeth on porch swings. Fun times! And we weren't there to find a date or to find the guy we would marry, we were just hanging out, having fun and they were a good bunch of guys to hangout with. They kept us entertained and our beers full.

So enter TL.
(This paragraph only is from TL's memory, not mine).
Pledges didn't get to hang out freely or often and it wasn't until mid semester or so that I actually ran into TL while partying in the drive way of the Pi Kap house. I was talking with a group of people and he was part of the circle and conversation that led to my hometown of Claremore. TL, oddly a shy kid at the time, mentions, "Hey, my Grandparents are from Claremore,  you might know them. They own an appliance store." I look at him, tilt my head slightly down while at the same time putting my nose very far up in the air and reply, "Could you be any more random?" At that moment, he hated me. He thought I was the biggest bitch he had ever met and with good reason, I suppose. I was pretty mean to the poor kid.

The semester went on, without me noticing or remembering the kid with grandparents from Claremore and he didn't come back for the spring semester. So that was that.

BFF and I continued to drink beer with the Pi Kap boys and my junior year I was living in a rental a few blocks from the Pi Kaps. Sometimes my Pi Kap friends would chill out on my porch instead of us hanging out on theirs, as they found my house a great escape from frat life. One of those escapees, a once again pledge, was the boy with grandparents form Claremore -- although I just thought of him as the boy in the red hat because I didn't remember the "Could you be anymore random" incident. He was quiet around me. Never saying a word. I guess he hated me for being so mean that long ago fall night and I didn't remember the night existing. Weird dynamic between the two us those days but I oddly saw a lot of Red Hat boy that school year. He came to my house with his friends often, sat on my couch or porch saying nothing and always wore the same greasy red Polo hat.

Time went on and he started talking. Life and work found our worlds more meshed into the same circle of friends and he eventually became one of my best friends in college. We would spend a lot of time just two of us hanging out as friends. Truly just friends for several years until things changed with a concert and a kiss on April 9, 1997 and he has been my True Love and Best Friend ever since, minus the toothbrush incident.

Eight years ago I married that boy and I'm the luckiest girl -- married to a wonderful, kind, talented man, that I love with all my heart.